Plastics

I realize that I hadn't yet published my Plastic surgeon consultation yet.  I wanted to wait till I could get to the real computer to do so :)
I had already decided on the plastic surgeon BEFORE going to see him.  I had a friend go through breast cancer treatments not even a year ago and it is who she used, so unless he was a total douche, I had pre-decided. It's all about who you know right?! Anywho, I did all my homework...looked him up...did a background on him...looked at pics...prepared my questions...done. I'll start by addressing that he's a looker. Seriously, he's probably right up there in the "pretty department" with Mc Steamy/Mc Dreamy. Luckily he's much more intelligent than cute seeing as how his looks isn't what will be reconstructing mine :)
He walked in..."Good morning...I'm Dr. Meade nice to meet you. Ok I see here that you are here to discuss a PBM (prophylatic bilaterial mastectomy)...smart girl :)" I answer "yes and thanks". He follows with "BRCA 1?" Me "Yep". Then he says "It says that you are a 36 (?)" Ok let me stop here, of course I am omitting my size because even though I'm open, I'm still a tad modest and well I just don't know if I want the people I know that read this to know my size. Oddly enough, I'm somewhat more comfortable with the strangers that will read this...you know...I don't have to see yall!  Dr Meade was unsure that I was correct (I guess because of just looking at me sitting there covered) and said, "hmm, lets just see..." he pulls back the curtains AND "ok....there they are". I was like what is he talking about?! I know what size I am, I haul these things around on a daily basis! I was prepared for what came next. I had gone for a breast lift consult in the past so when he pulled out this tiny little retractable tape measure I knew what was next. MEASURE!!! Oh how fun it is for someone to measure EVERY POSSIBLE MEASUREMENT that a boob can offer up and then to think that he has to do it twice! He proceeds to call out all of the measurements to his assistant and when he got to the measurement of "distance" well let's just say it was a low moment...very low :-/.
Dr. M goes on right in to it. Goes over where and what we're removing. Confirms that because of the BRCA I'm not a candidate to keep my nipples. I wasn't surprised. The breast surgeon had prepared me for that at her visit. I was very sad about this. Google nippleless breast and you'll see why :). All kidding aside...don't. It can't be helped, they can be reconstructed and they still hold the 87% chance of giving be BC if they STAY! So...what's a nipple or two right? Small price to pay to "seal the deal". He did propose an interesting option that even with all of my research I hadn't come across. He asked what my thoughts were on an Areola-Sparring procedure. It was like a skid in a record, I just blinked and looked at him.  What had he just said?? Up till now I had never really thought about the nipple and areola being two separate pieces! Let me process...to spare means to keep and to keep means to not be totally nipple area-ish less?! HELL YES!! When I came out of my mini coma I almost cried. For the 1 week following my oncology appt, where she told me that I was to have a "non-nipple sparring" procedure, I cried alot and prepared to look undefined for about 6 months. You don't think about it mattering until someone says that they're taking them away. Do you remember Barbie from the 80's? Before Mattel decided that the Barbie of today needed to be "decent"? Before they painted on a cami and a brief? Well, the Barbies I had, had none of that. She just had her tan plastic body, undefined, under all of her awesome outfits. I of course noticed that the plastic doll didn't look like us...that would just be too inappropriate! This all came crashing down on me as I prepared to look like (even temporarily) her. Two skin mounds, not breast...not immediately reseambling them anyways. I don't care how secure or insecure someone claims to be, facing the reality of becoming nippleless, missing distinguishing marks on what are supposed to be breast, just knocks the air out of ya. It was like Christmas when Dr. Meade offered up this gift. Now to clarify, an areola-sparring procedure is where they remove your nipple but you keep just that, your Areola. Crazy right?! I laugh as I write this because this shit is JUST FASINATING!! Lord Jesus...Thank you for making Dr Meade a crazy intelligent, humbly courageous doctor...and better yet for leading him to me through an amazing girl like "J"!! Now it will be tricky and it may not work, but Dr. M says that he feels confident that it will work will do everything in his power to make sure that it does. He did say that it is risky, not to me, but to the areola itself. They are removing most of the remaining part of the breast (skin's)blood supply but removing everything that make a breast a breast (fat and tissue). Then he has to cut off the areola remove the nipple, and place it back on in a new area, an area that is struggling for blood and now would have to share what little blood it has with the relocated areola. With this procedure, he will be doing the "Lift" cut. It is a vertical line coming from the areola to below the breast. So to look at me when I'm done, it will look like I just had a breast lift. They also do this cut with a breast reductions too. With typical mastectomies, they cut horizontally. Without the nipple/areola, each breast looks like and eye with it's lids shut :-/. Whew, glad its him not me. I get stressed when clients want me to pull off what I think is the impossible and I just do hair! In all seriousness, he feels like it will work and so do I.  If it doesn't you're wondering? Well, he'll know within a week and if it doesn't work (areola dies) then he has to remove it (cut it off). If that happens, then I go the "Barbie" route and I have peace with that. Period.
It's not like they don't do amazing nipple/areola reconstructions, because they do! It's amazing! I guess it's about getting to keep something and not looking like a total freak!
I struggle with this vain feeling. Hear me clearly, I choose this surgery because I choose to live with out the fear of Breast Cancer taking me from my family. So by choosing this I know that I should be happy with ANY discomfort to me phyically and emotionally just to have peace of mind...and I do! I've been on that side...the "C" side. Living... with nausea, no hair, fear...is still "living". So I'll always do anything to "live". I'll remove my natural breast and put in implants...don't want to BUT so grateful that I have that choice! If I don't get to keep my areolas, then I'll gladly cut them off...don't want to BUT so grateful that I have that choice. I HAVE CHOICES! I'm so grateful this time I have choices.