Excuse me Mammogram

Thank you mammogram machine but I'll take my boobs back now thanks! I guess you can tell that I had a Mamm today. Never had one before and super glad that, as far as medicine knows for now, I won't ever have another one hallelujah! Now I know that we can do anything that we have to do even when it's unpleasant but this was just unreal. I didn't know if I wanted to cry, laugh, scream, punch the lady or what. So many emotions at once. One emotion that I kind of feel bad about was that I was SOOO angry at the father who gave me this mutation that I just wanted to punch him in the face! Ok, one set of issues at a time I know but I honestly had a moment where I felt so awkward in that machine and thought this shouldn't be happening. I'm 34 I should have 6 more years before I need to do this but here I stand sandwiched between a metal and plastic plate holding my breath with my thoughts!! Oh lord my "thoughts". The whole experience was weird though. I have to say, never having been to any other mammogram center, the Cass center in Dallas is nice. They've done a great job making it feel very feminine. I got an I.D. bracelet and we were called just like the animals on Noah's boat, two by two. So they check to make sure we are who we are and they old lady goes through her carefully scripted meticulously spoken spill. She walks us to another holding area where she tells to go into a room, undress from waist up and wipe our arms if we used deodorant. She reminded us that we were provided spray deodorant for when we were done. Then we needed to pick a locker and place our belongings in there and to keep the key. Ok so now we wait and it's a pretty short wait. Then I'm called and I go in. The tech tells me that I have 4 images to take and then we're done and the radiologist will let me know if we need to take more pics. So I go out to wait and comes out and says "we need to get a few more images, there were some areas of concern on your left side.." WTF!!! I about died...curve ball..did not see that one coming. I go in and she pulls out these super duper flattening out plates and she cranks it down. Oh boy..these were worse than the first! She tells me to go back out and wait. When we were on the back to do the second image I say to that I wondered if it was because of scar tissue from the portacath that used to be in my chest and answered quickly "no". I was terrified. See, I'm in mission mode and my mission is to remove my breast and ovaries to almost ELIMINATE my chances of ever having those cancers. I hadn't considered that they may "find something". I was sick. She came back and hands me the films with a slip that reads "Negative for suspicious cancerous finding.." or something like that. Yea! I'm finally "Negative" for something! I went back to the dressing room, cried, sprayed my stinky pits with the deodorant and left. Those scary 10 min I sat and waited only confirmed my decision to do the surgery. I can't imagine going the "Surveillance" route and having to get a Mamm every 6 mo forever. Will they see something "suspicious" every time or just this time?! I can't do that. First of all it hurts secondly it's nerve racking! The surgery in my opinion is the only way to go!

I went to the Plastic Surgeon last Thurs. I will blog about that soon. :)