I met with the Oncological Breast surgeon on Wed. It went well and since I have done SO MUCH research, I really didn't any questions for her. Her only concern was to make sure, even though I am FOR SURE going through with the the surgery, that I knew there were 2 other options to consider. I tried not to read into her wanting to "inform" me. I asked her if she didn't agree with my choice,even with me laying out what I feel like are VERY obvious reasons, she assured me that she does support my choice. She just wanted me to know that there simply were other options if I didn't want to something as aggressive..ie surgery. As I've stated over and over, I'm having the surgery and make no mistake, it's not with out fear! I'm scared to death BUT it the "death" part that I'm scared of. See I've been there done that. I'm unfortunately all too familiar with the effects cancer has on self, a marriage, kids, and family. It's horrible, even surviving it, it takes A LONG time to heal mentally. I can't do that again. I can't sit and wait for BC or OC to come and invade me. So to comment on the above reference of the doctor wanting me to know that I don't have to "aggressive"...yes I do!
I don't want to paint a negative pic of my doc, she's just simply doing her job and had NO idea that I have devoted a lot of time to researching the BRCA shit. I'm sure she gets alot of people who come in looking for all the answers and she, rightfully so, has to slowly walk everyone through this. Well not this OCD girl :) I like control way too much and since there's nothing I can do to control BRCA, I CAN and WILL arm myself with knowledge on how to navigate my way through it.
As of now surgery will happen on Apr 2nd. That will be just 3 days before my 35th birthday. Wow. What a gift. If you know me, I'm sure you think I'm being a smart ass right now and you'd be partially right. In all honesty this surgery is the best gift a girl, in my position, can get! Seriously! I will give myself a 1% chance (from 87% chance) of never getting BC. I will recover physically and mentally a hell of alot faster from this than I would from actual cancer. I will show my kids how to be strong even while terrified. I get to spare J (husband, if you're a stranger) from going through cancer again, well this cancer at least ;). From a vanity perspective, I get to trade these 35 year old, used and abused breast in for a new pair ha! I'm struggling with the last one a little if I'm being honest :). All the above are great gifts but the best gift is I get to stay healthy and be alive.
The breast surgeon appt was really uneventful now the plastic surgeon appt next Thur however is going to be a riot! Thats when all the nitty gritty gets discussed. Boobs, boobs, boobs...big, medium, small? Saline or Silicone? Skin sparing/non-nipple sparing? Skin sparing/nipple sparing? WHAAATTT?!?!?! There's a reason we are just born with everything..ideally that is. The second we are about to be without something that we are supposed to have as women ie breast, there's a whole lot of stuff to think about! Honestly, other than loathing the fact that they now droop post nursing, I really never think about my boobs! Unfortunately, I better get really comfortable thinking about my boobs really fast :-/. Lord...
Now that I've brought "Him" up. I just want to state openly, I'm not mad at God in the least. I've been asked that a few times. Why would I be? If you have read any of my previous entries I have nothing to feel than gratitude. I am so grateful to have been divinely guided to my sisters to find this out if nothing else. I'm going to be in pain for quite some time sure, but so what? That pales in comparison for what the Lord has done for us and continues to do for me :) I know (because I've read ;) there are tons of scriptures to confirm my above statement but I will spare myself the embarrassment of not quoting and siting them correctly ha. I am very comfortable with the manner in which I know scriptures. Thank goodness God is ok with it too :)
See y'all next Thurs after the Plastic's appt. :)
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