Today has been stressful. I originally had this follow-up appt scheduled for NEXT Mon but I called this morning letting them know I would be able to come today if they were available. They had time this afternoon so I am here waiting to conclude my time/experience here and discuss where to go next. I fortunately know a girl who went through ALL of this stuff LAST year. Now, she was diagnosed stage 1 BC with no BRCA mutation but she had the double mastectomy. She filled me in on her experience with double mastectomy and reconstruction which helped ALOT! It's all about the fear of the unknown right? Will it hurt, will I look like a freak, will I be healthy or will I die? I think ALL of these are reasonable worries. I do a fairly good job at rationalizing these fears..yes it will uncomfortable. People walk around with fake boobs daily. I will be healthy because, with my aggressive preventative measures, I am cutting my breast and ovarian cancer chances down to 1% from 87%. Will I die, well no one knows that but God, but I do know that I feel that it will be very unlikely because I hold on to "what He brings me to, he'll bring me through!". That all I've got! I also have great supportive family as well. Unfortunately this is not my first cancer "rodeo" but I DON'T HAVE CANCER! I'm yelling at me not y'all ha!
After today's visit, we are telling my 12 year old son. I think he will give it about as much attention as anything else that doesn't involve cell phone, music and video games. Actually I'm counting on that! I feel so fortunate that he was spared watching me go through Leukemia. I don't want him to worry about or focus on me going through this surgery that will PREVENT cancer!
That's the whole point of the surgery right?! I had to medicate for the second day. I'm disappointed in that. I know, I know, people do it all the time. Yesterday I was in tears, sobbing, grieving, almost couldn't get it together to go to church, but I dug in and decided that was the devil jacking with me and I'm not one to jack with. Church of course was good and what my husband and I needed to hear. Today I didn't cry BUT thought I would throw up once I started moving around and hurrying from here to there...seriously..dry heaves people!
So I'm here now in Dallas waiting. Appt is at 2 and I think it will be quick. I will let y'all know ;)
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