The Beginning...Suprised but Not...

Friday, Feb 3rd at 10am I received the results to genetic testing for BRCA mutation. While chemically straightening someone's hair, the counselor told me that I was IN FACT positive for the BRCA 1 gene mutation. I was surprised but not, disappointed but relieved. Relieved to know that I have a "heads up" for the strong possibility of developing breast and/or ovarian cancer in my lifetime but disappointed in knowing I was facing semi-life altering changes to my body! I had pre-decided that I would have a PBM (Prophylactic Bilateral Mastectomy) and Oophorectomy. The order in which I will have these procedures is still to be determined. I go back to the genetic counselor on the 13th to advise what the next steps are (surgeons etc). Since I have already made my decision, I am eager to get started, eager but SCARED! People tend to see me as a "Strong Person". I personally don't see it. The truth is I'm really a terrified person that is able to make difficult decisions, be put to the test (hard test) time and time again, go through challenging trials and disappointments, and manage to survive? I say "survive" with a question because I can't figure out how I am able to do it. For starters, I have a deep faith. A faith that I came to ALL on my own. I wasn't raised in church. Of course we went to church occasionally and as a youth, I went with friends to their churches but honestly it was popular and I wanted to belong. I do most often believe its because God knows I'm strong, that I can endure, and that I am in fact strong. I don't see it, but I guess it only matters that He sees it right? Belief in things you can't see and explain is faith and at the end of the day that's something I can count on to comfort me. I am going to sort jump around in these first few post. I felt that it was important to start at my current status and work from there.