2 Weeks...Oh Man

2 weeks ago today I had a Prophylactic Bilateral Mastectomy (PBM). Man, I barely remember the first week, I remember it wasn't fun, but if I don't have a "clear" recollection of that week it must have been bearable :).

Here's where I'm at now...I still have 1 of the 4 drains remaining. I'm glad I didn't know I would 4 drains until AFTER surgery. Even though I was familiar with drains, I'd only had 2, 4 just seems blah and they are :). In order to get this last bastard out of me I have to "lay low, relax, restrict activity, don't do anything, reduce my fluids (?) only drink when thirsty, don't eat salty (b/c it'll make me thirsty) and be patient". What the hell?! That's ALL I've been doing. I don't do a thing, I have to "restrict" my ALREADY restricted activity and now I'm puffy from not drinking lots of water like I'm use to. Now, I haven't been hitting it out of the park in the "patience" department because I'm human and I'm OVER IT! I'm still taking pain meds (hydrocodein) about every 6 or so hrs. I posted last week that my surgeon wanted to incorporate Valium to the mix for the spasms and tightness. Last week when I tried it was like a nightmare. I think that with the hydro and still coming off of all the anesthesia and adding Valium was too much. Well this past weekend the spasms were too much and I had pain ON TOP of the tightness so I broke down and took half of the Valium (2.5 mg) every 4 hrs and it helped alot! So that where I'm at with my meds. I promise I'm not a stoned idiot on these meds. I can actually feel human and can function.

I'm not sure that I've been clear on the route I've chosen to go with my PBM. I had the mastectomy and had Tissue Expanders placed in. These will start to be "filled" via a port in each breast and a needle with saline in few weeks. This will happen about twice a month till June? Then I will have these Expanders surgically removed and have implants (most likely gel/silicone) placed sometime in July. They will probably liposuction the underarm fat (hallelujah!!!) and inject it into the boob or Foob (fake-boob) area as filler. I won't have any fat in the Foobs anymore so for conturing purposes they will have to transfer some...fine by me ;). I already hate these things. I will deal with it because, well they're already in there and because I trust the method, but I hate them. My chest doesn't cave. I feel like I have a coat hanger in my chest (not that anyone would ever experience a coat hanger in the chest) but it's the closest analogy I can come up with. I can't hug. Not a big "hugger" anyway but I'd like to hug J and the kids. I miss that. I miss curling my arms around them and folding inward and now I can't. I can't. I have tears as I write this part and I push those down because I know this is temporary and important and it won't get me anywhere. I CAN'T hug now so that I CAN hug later :). Good trade off, hate that I'm having to "trade off" but, good trade off. These Foobs feel weird. I can almost see why women who may have been previously shy about their bodies )prior to boob jobs) are instantly inspired to show their new boob jobs! I am SO modest and I would probably show these weird things. I would feel strange, but I think I could. For one, I know people are curious and why not right?! What does a flat chested, breast hollowed out, tissue expander woman look like? Well, weird, that's how. I still really can't look at myself as I am instantly saddened by what I see and by what has happened. I do my dressings from my chair and not in front of a mirror. We went with an "Areola Sparring" procedure and I have to put silva-dine ointment on the struggling little darlings (areolas) twice a day. They are gross but I hope that one day they'll be as beautiful as they can be, besides I won't have BC so I guess that makes these "train wrecks" for breast already beautiful right? These are the thoughts I struggle with daily. I think I would show these off also because of the medical artistry that goes into this. I mean it really is miraculous! I'm anxious to watch my chest go from looking like a 12 yr old to large bubble wrap bubbles. Some of you reading, know what I'm talking about because I've showed you pics from the Internet ha. I know that from now till July is all just a process and that thank the Lord, will NOT reflect my outcome. When I have the "Exchange Surgery" (Expanders out and Implants in) I will most likely look like all of the other boob job girls out there!

Wrapping it up...still have a drain..sore and spasms...and it feels like a coat hanger in my chest...OH I've slept in my recliner for 2 weeks. It's a large nice leather one, thank God for that!
My family has been great! With my son's baseball games and with my crazy 3 year old daughter needing to get out of the house. Mimi and Grammy have been heroes! Some friends brought food, sent gourmet popcorn in a huge can, Harry and David's pear and goodies collection, flowers and cards! Awesome and so unexpected! People helping people. A friend of mine and her 5th grade daughter walked a Komen walk this past Saturday and on their "numbers" there was a "tribute/celebration" area and they "celebrated" me?! I didn't know what to think. I don't have BC but then again, I just didn't have it yet. I guess they decided to celebrate my Pre-Fight. Wow just..wow! Last week I had a sophomore girl I've know since she was in elem school ask me how I was, I told her that "doing ok but just so sore". She wrote back "I bet. You're amazing :)". Wow. Does that mean she's read this or that her mom has discussed this in front of her? Either way, I realize that a 15 yr old girl knows about my situation and has decided to imagine what this ALL is?! I'm honored by her confidence, amazed by her maturity and saddened that she, at 15, has considered my plight. If she's reading this blog, I've helped her do just that but still....I forgot about the young girls that may read this.

I go Thurs for my 2nd post-op with the plastic surgeon. I'm anxious for that appt. I barely remember the first post-op appt meaning he got off easy in that I more than likely didn't ask any questions (unlike me). I feel sorry for him now! Haha not really. He's had me take pics with my iPhone and email him the pics of my areolas as we've gone along. He emails comments back to me and I've asked a few questions then. He's great. He gets right back with me. Not a lot of drs would do that. He's very hands on and isn't surrounded by lots of red tape! That makes me a happy girl :)

I'll report more when I know more :)