Post-Op Appt 1

I didn't post yesterday due to being emotional and tired. I'm still those things but I have a little better handle on them at the moment.

The appt went good. He confirmed that to look and feel like shit is totally normal. Good to know. He also thinks recovery wise I am right on target. I mentioned to him that my left boob is the most sore and looks less inflated than the right. He said to not EVEN evaluate them right now because they are not even remotely what they will look like in just a couple of weeks. One side more inflated or not, right now doesn't matter because they are just "space holders" at the moment. Makes sense. Honestly, I'm so tired that I'll just go with and not over think it. :). He asked what I'm doing for pain and I told him that I was taking the 2 hydrocodeins every 4-5 hrs and stopped because my head was swimmy. That I went back to 1 pill and then after 2 hrs I would also take ibuprofen and then just alternate. He said no. Too early for that and I'm still not being relieved from that combo either. He suggested to be on 1 hydrocodein (every 4 hrs)with 5mg of Valium (every 8 hrs). Or go back to the 2 hydrocodein every 4 -6 hrs. Since I'm a few days out from anesthesia and should be a little less swimmy I decided to immediately try that combo again. My night went from bad to worse. I cried ALOT! I just think that I started to feel my emotions and I was sad. I was mad. I was frustrated. I was hurting. And then I felt guilty for feeling ANY of those things. I felt like a burden and then I thought "what if this had been coupled with cancer?" and the thought was horrifying. I could instantly remember the sickness, the despair, the fright and then I would cry MORE. I apologized over and over to my husband for being "here" again. He hates when I put that on myself but it's how I feel.

Yesterday was my birthday and I turned 35. I feel no different. I was flooded with so many combined Birthday and Well wishes on Facebook that it was overwhelming! Not in a bad way but in an astonishing way. I'm so self deprecating 85% of the time, to think that people were emailing, facebooking and private messaging their love, not just happy bday, but their want for me to be happy and get well?! I don't know, it could've been the medicine but I was so humbled. Dozens of people that I see daily or that I haven't seen in 15-20 years reached out to say "hey, I care and I'm pulling for ya". We're evidently important to alot of people, why wasn't I aware of this before, well go back to that "self deprecating" statement. :-/.

I tried the hydrocodein/Valium combo before bed. I was a wreck and I knew Valium was an anti anxiety as well as a muscle relaxer so I took it. I'm not a huge fan of Valium. I just feel super stoned on it but what the hell right?

Surprisingly I haven't been real sad about my breast size. It's probably because I know it's temporary but I don't feel insecure about it like I thought I would or insecure to let Jason see it like I thought I would! Hell lets be honest, he's been putting the ointment on me and changing the dressings and I would be screwed if he wasn't! I love him. We are such a team and are TOTALLY ok to be in the trenches together. If this were one of his body parts I'd be totally in...not a hesitation!

The dr said that he was as pleased with the Areola sparring procedure as he could be. He said that some of it will die and scar but that the scar will just blend with the remaining areola. Whatever, sounds good to me. I knew it was a risk going in but well worth it in my opinion. He changed my ointment from bacitracin to silvidine (sp?) to help the blood get up to the areolas. I have to do that 3x daily till the drains come out. That should be some time next week. I've been amazed at I am able to do. I just knew that I wouldn't be able to lift my arms up or out to the sides but I've been able to since day 2. I have to go slow of course but I can do it. I can also wash my arms and body (no showers yet) Jason helps though. I can get my own water and can get in and out of the car. I can get in and out of my recliner. I can also put my hair in a low pony tail! I think that's pretty good. I had no idea what to expect, you know?

This Easter weekend will, like usual, be a busy one. One that I will mostly likely miss out on. Our big family celebration is about 20-30 min away and even though it will be inside for the most part, my husband feels like I will just be too overwhelmed by going and get too tired. He just doesn't want any set backs...I agree. My inlaws are doing something small and they are closer so if I get a wild hair I may go to that but I can make no decision till up to the moment. The sad thing is, I bitch every year about how do we fit church and parties and Easter bunny stuff and naps and food that we're taking and cameras and on and on! Shame on me. I'm not saying that I'll be reformed and forever appreciative of the chaos that IS my family, I'm just saying that I'm sad to be missing out this year..if we do :-/. To add more to the plate, a good friend of mine is getting married on Sat. She more like the little sister I never wanted but love nonetheless! Its sort of casual and is close to my house, just family and friends and outside. Ceremonies are short right?! It's something else that I most likely won't attend. Here's the thing, I scheduled the surgery. Me, all by myself. I could've waited till next monday and wouldn't have missed any of these glorious events. But now on the other side of the nerves and anticipation I'm glad I didn't wait, so I know I can't feel sorry for myself and that it is what it is :).

One thing I'm looking forward to today is going to my salon and getting my hair washed and dried! It's the little things right?! I will feel better and I will be happy to see my friends! I'll be tired after but it'll be worth it :).

Wow I wrote alot! I wasn't sure prior to starting but I just wanted to give an update for those who haven't had their surgeries yet :). I have the Blogger app on my phone and have done this entirely by thumb! I love my iPhone :)

So here's a recap...4 days out, emotional, VERY sore, and tired. also very glad I did this at the same time. Thanks for listening...hope I didn't wear ya out :)